If you liked my Worm, you should see my Robot

THE MOON IS A HARSH MISTRESS

You’re not going to learn this from the AP reading
list. In the future, being tech-savvy won’t make you
a “tool,” & the term smartass is to be preferred
over the archaic smartypants. As long as I’m being
picky, don’t use words like ethos when you
mean authority. Our catchphrase is Conformity
is its own reward, but we mean conformity
masquerading as nonconformity. You’re just
jealous is a good thing to say to any schmuck
who doesn’t support your lukewarm decision
to move to Charm City. Don’t be alarmed,
but going over your statement of purpose
literally made my head spin. We all know you
invented the steel-toed footnote & we’re all very
interested in your interest in the American Ruralist
movement. I sent everyone in my contact list
that pic of you sitting on the tire swing, wet
& rusting. Don’t waste your whole lunch hour
deliberating over whether purple mascara
would make you look cooler. Is it better
to be respected but feared, or a lovable fool?
Can anyone be aware, as it’s playing out, that
Today is my last last day of school. You know it’s
the New Math when all the story problems
in the book end if this were Opposite Day
instead of Backwards Day. You seemed to be
losing your hometown pride, so I spray-
painted this mural of your hometown hayride
& your hometown geese. Don’t stand there
looking so appropriated. I’m not your brain--
I’m just your brain mirror. It would be
a nice view if it weren’t for all the trees.